Vacancies available in a sometimes rather odd group of friends.
Must have a genuine interest in random Scandinavian traditions and be willing to eat beer boiled crayfish and dance around like a frog at least once a year.
Must have own Swedish folk gown, alternatively be great at making Danish desserts.
Must be willing to stay in London at least five years, preferably longer.
Both pairs and individuals will be considered. Cute baby optional, but will be an advantage.
There will be a written contract.
Time wasters need not apply.
Yes, I do take it extremely personal and I do get very upset when people decide to uproot and leave London town, and more importantly, me. So what if there's a beach and great childcare and that great penthouse flat and the equally amazing job? It excuses nothing.
First Mrs Higginsson and now Yummy Mummy. Why do they do this to me?! My two rocks in the madness that is London life who have been there through broken bones, heartbreak and shoe dilemmas are both leaving me in the space of two months!
Whilst The Higginssons at least gave me a good six months to prepare myself for this ordeal, Little Man and Family gave me just a month to adjust to the massive change to my life and my phone bill.
To kick this move off, there was the leaving do. Desperate to cram in as much time as possible with these guys before the big move, I volunteered for nanny duty during the party preparations. And by volunteered I mean that I basically called Yummy Mummy up and informed her that I would be coming to hang with her son three hours before the event - non optional.
Now I'm not sure real nannies normally give two year olds the most massive ice cream in the store and then let them have their way with it as they please. Especially to the extent that the ice cream winds up in the stroller wheels, the child's shoes and ears as well as the fake nanny's hair.
Only catch with my nanny technique is that a child full of ice cream is a child that will not want to put his pyjamas on later that evening...
You have to give it to this family, midst a move across the globe they throw on a party with gourmet level canapés, magnificent wines and the best damn sticky Swedish chocolate cake I've ever had. And I'm somewhat of an expert in the sticky Swedish chocolate cake area.
One week later, it was time for the real thing though. The final goodbye. Fine, so it's not a super final goodbye, but Singapore is extremely far away. Why couldn't they decide to move to Barcelona or something? They have tapas there. Everyone loves tapas.
As expected, the day started, continued and ended in complete and utter chaos with Little Man and family sharing their time between the flat and a Kilburn hotel whilst trying to finalise packing and entertain an overly energetic two year old plus a sulky 29 year old.
Luckily for them, the same rule applies to both age categories; bribery does the trick. For the two year old this meant unlimited iPad time. In the 29 year old's case, the bribery object was 20 bottles of very nice wine from the kitchen clearance. It numbed the pain and scary prospect of being abandoned somewhat. And that was before any of the wine had been opened. I've been more or less tipsy since.
Packing ourselves into a cab with a toddler, the 20 bottles of wine, olive trees and a blue plastic sleigh for which the back story is still unclear, we left their Brondesbury flat for the last time. And Jesus, a lot have gone down in that flat. Teaching Little Man how to use his car shaped walking chair for the first time, Australian themed hen do's, impromptu seven course dinners and rumbling through Yummy Mummy's closet wishing someone would have force fed her lard throughout her 20's so at least some of her clothes would fit me.
Following a very confusing hotel drop off (they may have thought we were all moving in) and a final dinner with my favourite London family, it was that time. Technically it was probably that time 3 hours earlier at Little Man's real bedtime but hey ho. Hugging Little Man, his mummy and his daddy goodbye was a trauma at best. I will miss these guys to the extent where I even welled up a bit, and for someone who has spent a decade working hard at her ice queen reputation, that is a big deal.
Kilburn is a rather spectacular area, but it seems that a girl dragging 20 bottles of wine down the street on a blue plastic sleigh in the middle of May whilst sobbing is one of the more unusual sights judging from the looks some people gave me. Their mothers clearly did not teach them not to stare.
Singapore for Christmas it is!
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| Ice cream date with Little Man |
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| Little Man and his lovely mum |
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| The kitchen clearance stash!
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