7th February 2014, The Narrow, Limehouse, London
Nor do I enjoy, nor am I particularly good at being in relationships.
Yes, when you do fall for someone and care enough about the person, the hassle is worth it. But no matter what my not so single friends try to tell me, relationships are most certainly a hassle.
I am a very stubborn being and a royal pain in the ass. I don't do compromise. Seriously, I do not do compromise. There have been actual break ups over my refusal to spend any time in public with a man wearing a sports jersey. I don't care who's playing and how important the game is.
I also have a desperate need for enormous amounts of personal space, I don't hold anyone's hand in public, I'm a massive drama queen and I have the very charming habit of actually picking fights. Yup, I will actively search things out to argue over.
Not everyone are as comfortable with my chronic singlehood as I am. In fact, every year the line of; 'I know this really nice guy. You guys would really hit it off', gets more and more frequent. News flash people, because one person is single and another person is single - it is not an automatic formula that they will be hitting anything off. Demanding drama queen does not seek cuddly teddy bear who lives with his parents.
But lately I have been thinking, what happens the day that this really nice guy is actually nice? And willing and able to handle all the drama that comes with dating me?
So after a friend with particularly good judgement several times highlighted how much me and her dear, also single, friend had in common I caved. I was going on my first ever blind date.
Now, the biggest mistake a guy can make when taking a girl out for the first time is take her to dinner or worse, to the movies. You risk either getting stuck suffering in awkward semi silence for at least two courses ending with an even more awkward conversation where you're repeatedly insisting on going dutch as you don't want to feel like you owe the guy a thing. Or, the even more appalling alternative - he takes you to the movies and you're stuck in the dark with a stranger you can't even snog if the movie is boring.
Which is why I was very happy when this guy suggesting drinks in a lovely pub, that is not his or my local - awkward situations in the future therefore avoided.
I got to the pub and the guy (let's call him.... Ryan Gosling) is actually not half bad. As I said, this friend knows her stuff. Tall, good hair, good shoulders, wearing a proper shirt and no psychotic behaviours at a first glance. I know this from spying on him from the bathroom for five minutes before actually going to the bar. After already being 20 minutes late. As far as first impressions goes, I declare Ryan Gosling the winner.
First dates are normally awkward as hell no matter how you met the person. When you have never met the person before and all you really know is that Ryan Gosling is 31 or potentially 32, is originally from Melbourne and once streaked across a rugby pitch it doesn't make it any less awkward I'm afraid.
After half a vodka soda and the very slow conversation largely consisting of the crazy weather we've been having, what we do for work and me claiming I enjoy yoga we finally hit a breaking point.
-Look, you seem to be finding this situation as uncomfortable as I do.
-Correct.
-I've really never been on a blind date before.
-Me neither and I'm starting to re support that decision.
-What do you say we just get really hammered until we find each other interesting?
There and then, I loved him.
Out came the Jaeger Bombs. And with that, this was no longer a disaster. Until the next morning when I tried dragging my hungover ass to work, but that's a different story.
Four vodka sodas and as many bombs later, I knew he was in fact 31, that he detests people eating on the tube as much as I do and that he like I speak fluent sarcasm. So far so good.
Fifth Jaeger Bomb was a bad move. Like a bad, bad move. That's the thing, cross a certain line of drunkenness and all romantic prospects are out the door. Get me right, Ryan Gosling is still a really fun and exceptionally cute guy - but you'll never get romantic with a guy who shoes off his best but bad break dance moves on the first date. It's a shame, but we had to evict each other to the friend zone - but luckily for him, he has himself a new wing man. I'm looking forward to my new role.
Overall, given the right filtering process and some detailed questionnaires for the arranger, this blind date business is not so bad. Just make sure the next one is also bloody cute,
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